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Instead of saying “I’m an investment banker”, they say things like “I’m an artist” or “I’m a musician” because in the bars of Hongdae or HBC, the women have never heard the words ‘investment banker’ before, and so it holds no social (or hipster) currency.Plus if you are a white person in one of these bars, everyone already assumes that you are an English teacher, so it’s always interesting when these guys attempt to spin wild stories about how they are not English teachers when in fact the women who go to such bars, who are English-interested and open-minded are in all likelihood okay with the idea of talking to an English teacher.So perhaps there actually IS a reason to tell the “I’m not an English teacher” lie.Perhaps if one tells this lie, then the locals will be dissuaded from seeking free English conversation during your off hours.And then contrast that with the most common lies that English teachers tell in Hongdae bars. Is there any actual measurable benefit to telling such lies?Like, do women maintain their interest in you for just a little longer if you tell them that you are an investment banker, and not an English teacher?

Sometimes two particles spinning around in the Large Hadron Collider will momentarily meet side by side. Smoking Mercedes girl and myself are two particles that will never meet in opposition. Our collision would result in the shattering of necessary illusions, and illusions are what keep most of us going. Two particles in the Large Hadron Collider; headed in the same direction at the same speed. She is well educated, and lived in the States from elementary school until she finished her MA at a well known east coast university. I make small talk with my lady friend, catching up on recent events. His appearance and age, and the board marker stains on his hands all scream ‘ESL Teacher! I have to exercise great restraint in order not to blurt out “That’s funny, I used to tell Korean women the same thing when I’d be out at bars or clubs.” Apparently, Itaewon and Korea are full of western ‘investment bankers’, and they are all 23 years old, and they all have board marker stains on the palms of their hands.But, my friends, you are overlooking one of the fundamental aspects of any civilized society; that social and behavioral norms and rules are set by the majority and within those broad sets of social rules, various subgroups set their own norms and rules by which they live. So I refrain from questioning TOWG’s story and I refrain from attempting to c-block him.And by the way, someone should do a masters thesis on the lies that (foreign) men tell to (Korean) women in bars.It’s Saturday night and I’m driving to Itaewon to meet a friend. She is inhaling and blowing smoke out the window, glancing over at me as we wait for the light to turn green. TOWG tells me that he’s big into climbing the corporate ladder.As I stop at the red light before the Banpo bridge, a woman in a new silver S-Class Mercedes pulls up next to me. Like, he’s working his way up to the top and pinwheeling at terminal velocity towards international banker big swinging dick status.

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“I am an English teacher” is what you say to women when you are not interested in talking to them, apparently.

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